Top Five Ways to Maintain Your Sanity as a Parent

When I think about what I am full time every day all day, I am a mom. I may not be the best mom in the world, but it is the one constant in my life and it’s one big part of who I am. When I think about my health, my vision, my life and where I’m going to put my energy, it is always with the kids in mind - whether those rug rats know it or not. And, believe me, they will doubt you. If you're a parent, you know what I mean.

How can I stay balanced? How can I encourage them? How can I give them space? How can I be strong for them? All of these questions float about in the background while my body does my day to day life activities. 

The thing about this job is that it is forever, so the pacing of it is different and sometimes it’s challenging to look at the big picture of it all. And the learning curve, well, especially when they're little the learning curve is pretty steep. Fear not, you learn and adapt and figure out what to do. For me, the one who could not even hold a baby before I had my own, believe it is as instinctual as it is confusing.

I have always been interested in health and nutrition and adventure in one way or another for as far back as I can remember. Some of my fondest memories are peeking over the countertop watching my mom cook. My favorite was apple pie with the apples that we picked from a giant, peaceful farm in Michigan. 

Now one of my favorite things to do is cook - and I still love to visit farms too! I love to cook healthy and creative meals for or with my family. Some times we buy a new cookbook or look up something online, but mostly it’s Jambalaya - or, in other words, what ever we can dig out of the refrigerator. This is why shopping is so important. I made it a habit not to buy a lot of snack foods - I just don’t keep it in the house that way we don't accidentally turn to it whenever we have the impulse. It doesn’t mean we don’t indulge every now and again.

Finding an identity as a mom and wearing the “MOM” label is a challenge. There’s a lot of pressure on parents to get it all right with an over abundance of moving parts swaying around in the breeze. Besides, we aren’t JUST moms, we are women and furthermore we are individuals. 

One of my favorite movies is The Darjeeling Limited. There are so many scenes that are great, but one that stands out to me right now is when Anjelica Huston’s character, Patricia, says, 
“You’re talking to her? You're talking to someone else. You're not talking to me. I don't know the answers to these questions and I don’t see myself this way.” In this, to me she is pointing out that we are often two people, or more depending because of our roles which are often difficult to divide, but they are not solely us. To those boys, she was mom. “What about us?” they simply asked. But to her, she was an intellectual, a nun, a leader, a servant - she was so much more than just one thing and she had already managed to escape the role that pigeon holed her singly as “wife”. 

So, the question is, how to we remain ourselves (some of us are cursing, sexy, drinking, opinionated women!) and yet find comfort in the role called “Mom”?​​

Top Five Ways to Maintain Your Sanity as a Parent

1. Be True to Yourself. This is the best way to defend and protect your children. By letting them know your true self, they will learn their true self. Be clear, simple and honest. Now, you are “teacher”. Although sometimes you may have to be a PG version of yourself for some period of time, you have a right be a share to your opinions gracefully, whether the PTA (or your husband or wife or mother) admits it or not. Be You. If you are a painter, paint. If you are conservative, be conservative. If you are a free spirt, be a free spirit. This is how you love yourself and others.
2. You can’t do everything, although you will feel the pressure to. Set your boundaries and teach your children to set boundaries. Push your limits, but save yourself. Don’t do anything that compromises your integrity or makes you rip your hair out. You have to prioritize and this is the topic of conversation with with your children, gently and firmly. If you have to work even if it goes against your desire to be with them, you need to talk about it and you are still proud of their efforts. If you need to put work aside and be there for homework or an event, you need to express gently that is your priority. You will teach them how to prioritize. How to push the limits and grow ambitiously, but not over do it.
3. Take time away. Sometimes you need to take a break and go out with  friends or have friends over so your children know you socialize, but always return. Kids have anxiety when they are little - the comings and goings of your life builds trust. At the end of the day when they are 16, 20, 30 years old, they will trust you to be you. That means, they will know you. If you are the kind of person that is always there for them, that is what they will know and trust. Taking time away also gives your mind a release from the day to day of obligation. Go out, enjoy a glass of wine and laugh and vent with friends!
4. Learn your child’s love language. Trying to understand your children as they grow up can be difficult. Sometimes those kids are fearless and open and tell you whatever. Sometimes you get nada. I have three kids and they are all different from one another. Find the right balance between giving space and being in their face is a challenge. Sometimes you need to just listen - even when they aren’t talking. Tune in to their habits and learn when they are the most receptive to hearing you as well.
5. Eat healthy and workout. You're going to need your health. I mean … let’s face it these rug rats are going to run you around and you're going to need to try to keep up so you better stay in shape. Not only that, you’ll feel good! The personal sense of accomplishment along with all those lovely brain chemicals floating around: endorphins and serotonin and the like! Bottom line is that you want to be able to hang with your kiddo and have fun - meaning that you are going to win a lot more brownie points if you are able and willing to run up and down the slide and play on the swing or run around the block. Plus you can catch ‘em if they try to run away and they’ll know it - so all in all … it’s never a bad idea to eat healthy and workout.