The journey and awakening is always unfolding. It is sometimes lonely, sometimes sad and sometimes fortunate. We are fortunate to be able to daydream, to be able to share moments of joy and pleasure and love. This man tapped into something deeper, something she hid from herself.
This part of her was wild and quite uncivilized with fiery eyes. Fiery from her anger. But what was most complicated was the tenderness and subtlety about her. It was always as if she felt there were eggshells all around her that she had to walk gingerly upon. Only then to occasionally satisfy the need to smash a few as a reminder she was still living.
She was afraid, full of fear actually, although no one seemed to know it. Her heart knew too much so she dreamt. She would dream of him: her gentle man. He would wrap his weight around her in warmth. She imagined herself turning to face him and watch her own hands as they would drift up around the nape of his neck and around his ears and onto his face and then he would kiss her.
Now she could be calm. Now her heart felt no pain. Her civility could return with grace. This warmth could carry her through a few barren winters.
She removed his garments in her mind’s eye and felt hers slip down her curves one by one onto the floor. She felt his hand in hers and they would move as one to a nesting place in the bedroom and the lights dimmed. She slept. The night was filled with green tea latte marshmallow kisses and cinnamon cream love and she saw through him. Whereas once he could smile as he killed, he was now distracted, softened somehow. He became like a surgeon who could now feel in his skin the pain and in his mind the fears of his patients. Something had opened him. He was seeking … something … was it the love? The acceptance? The forgiveness for his sometimes crude ways of going about things? He was just a man, after all. Once just a boy.
He walked over to the mirror and looked at a new self. He was a different self than the one he knew just a month ago. The month was over, as his contract was based on just a month, the dog barked, the alarm rang… she awoke. And he in his bed too found himself sitting upright strangely awakened. She hit snooze then contemplated her dream. She reveled in the thought of his love and her body softened as she remembered his touch.
He, now awake and up and dressing, gazed into the mirror. He was different: refreshed, confident, loved, strong…. He considered he might even be a little happy and at peace.
He knew he would have to return. He knew he would have to keep her somehow. What she was, really, was someone who wanted to be loved wholly and forever. And what he was, really, was a man who wanted to be out in the wilderness with her. He thought at times it would be impossible to make it work. What could they do?
She daydreamed of him. So far away, but always with her.
In close. Yours close. Yours inside something that is open that you need to close ~ what do you remember? Where are you? What are you trying to put back together and close? Leave it open. Re-member.
Out open mine. Out open everyone’s. Out open no ones. Whistle off in the quiet leaving breadcrumbs behind as it begins to fall into dark of night.
Nonsense birds silly flying thoughtfully past the willow ~ as dogs are barking cars whiz by the careless stream in our house. Nonsense birds quick cursive playing jokes on our eyes. Kissing breeze. Park walks a bridge marked with goldfish, lily ponds and weeds.
Tweeting cowardly, the old birds hum and tell secrets at the bar.
As the cows come home the nightingale strums cage bars and the emperor rests.
Today’s gone. Tomorrow is won. Yesterday is nonsense again.
Memories like a silent picture show flashed and rambled through her mind. The chicken she watched hatch from an incubator. The kitten she made a little mini bed for and soothed to sleep. The first day she went to kindergarten. The diamond-like stones she would collect from outside one of their many apartments. The floor that was wooden and rickety that she would play a game tip-toeing across the floor without making any sound.