If I were to redefine how to love for myself, I would include ways to respect and be kind to the ones I love. I do and have made sacrifices - so not to harbor resentment. Sacrifices for my kids - No problem. Other grown ups.... maybe sometimes a glimmer of a problem. Probably why I have weighed the outcomes and always chose experience and let the other person deal with the resentment no matter how minor or major it may be. Have you ever noticed how friends will take it differently that, say, people who are more than friends?
Lately I have wanted and tried very hard to just not go outside that boundary as it causes so many problems.
So, say, you tell a friend, “Hey I can’t go to blah blah blah with you because there’s this race I really want to go to.”
They just accept it and usually respond with, “Cool - no problem! Luck, man - Let me know how it goes!” And they’re maybe even happy for you.
Same situation with a boyfriend or girlfriend type and everything gets shot to hell and it becomes this personal thing. And probably for good reason. I mean, we end up spending so much of our free time with the significant other, a cancellation last minute can leave someone hanging. What’s worse is I notice what I do is I wait around for that person - like if they say, ‘oh wait for me I want food too’ and then take forever while I wait I can get a little frustrated. I suppose I’d wait around for anyone, but I would probably just leave if, say, was just a friend who was lollygaggin’. So, see, I do it too. Fall into the trap of dependence.
Shouldn’t we though?
I remember seeing a funny meme that said something like, “Hey! Want to be codependent?” or “Wow - I’d really like to be codependent with you”. Great pick up lines. Pick up lines of the 90’s and 2000’s for sure with all the psycho babble that flies around.
On a serious note, having people to trust and being trustworthy for people so that you can depend upon them and they can depend upon you IS amazing. I am actually a pretty reliable person. I will do what I say.... and ignore the question if I can’t.
Just kidding - I’ll respond... most of the time. Recently I was accused of omitting ... funny thing to be accused of really. Do we accuse this of our friends? Usually just for those who we care about most for one reason or another. Interesting dynamic, isn’t it? I try to stand back and look at things objectively - but it can be difficult if it’s one sided.
So I have just written almost 1600 words on the subject and have not really even answered my own questions or defined anything clearly.... I guess it is no wonder so many chase happiness and only some find it. Especially if love has anything to do with it.
I think I will redefine loving as just something as simple as a smile and being happy for everyone and as giving as I can be especially to the ones I know depend on me most - depend on me as a mom, as a friend or as more than a friend. And all those are relative. There is a mutual respect aspect to these of course as I must care for and have self love if I want to have anything left to give of myself; and there is forgiveness.