I am a mean person - I might as well just come out and admit it. Well, I do have my triggers - for example, even though my 81 year old mother walks slower than a turtle, she'll come knockin on the door as soon as you're in the bathroom. Even when she was no where in sight or even on another floor of the house. You close the bathroom door and- BAM - like magic she's there a knockin.
I tend to swear a lot. I couldn't tell you how thrilled I was when I saw on various social media sites indications that people who swore were more honest. I always considered myself quite honest and direct. Sometimes this also corresponds perhaps to the perception of meanness - but to be honest, when I feel like I'm just being mean, there is really little or no truth to it at all. Often with the plain perception of meanness, the receiver just doesn't want to hear a truth about their selves - see Only the Lonely with John Candy. And this can include myself - but, again, to be honest : I'd rather know than not know.
Ignorance is bliss. So to completely contradict my last statement, I will say that because so much crap has happened in my periphery recently, I have decided sometimes I just don't want to know. Knowing hurts - and who wants to hurt? Your best friend talks about you behind your back? Your spouse cheats on you? Your teenage kid's on drugs or has taken a college aged boy friend? Life is so much easier to just not know. After all, we are all on our unique paths, aren't we? It's none of our business - or is it? One may easily question the overlapping circles of the Venn diagram and wish their peas would stop touching their mashed potatoes.
All that said, I have been observing nice people lately. I have watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind eighteen times to try to ease my pain of knowing by trying to take comfort in the idea of forgetting- and taking special note of the word "nice" in the beginning of the film. I have noticed the clear presence of this around me who radiate this thing called "peaceful". They do not let negativity cling to their soul - they are not even aware of it. But then, as if being a perfect paradox, they fully know. They seem to have chosen to let it go or maybe not even enter their realm as something called 'negative' even if it is or appears to be. Moment by moment, they are in their situation. This is not to be mistaken with optimism- a whole other animal for a separate cathartic exercise altogether. See Candide by Voltaire.
How does one achieve this? Being a fan of the old Nike slogan, you just do it. Seems simple enough...
I have been reading Penelope Trunk's blog on and off since a friend of mine recommended an article to me regarding yoga. I enjoyed her bold and direct way of communicating very much. I couldn't help but think how wonderful the world would be if everyone were just as clear and direct as she is. Don't get me wrong, I don't always agree with her POV, but her honesty is clear and she does have humility - I can see where she sites her mistakes and offers up change! I love that. And as I had been looking to her as an inspiration of clarity, she has been looking to another blogger, The Pioneer Woman, for softness and softening her own edges. Turns out, even those WE look to for inspiration looks towards others and on and on and on! I recently discovered she has aspergers from the TV demo reel she was working on. Turns out they won't have their own reality show - she seems okay with that and I agree. To be turned down for a reality show means you're probably doing a lot of things RIGHT in your household and with your children. Yes, they were deemed 'too normal'.
That's it for now . Maybe youre wondering How to Be Nicer Person because I don't really offer up any lists on How To do that, so here goes:
1. Love and be loving.
2. Respect other people's boundaries and know your boundaries.
3. Don't hang on to negativity or things outside of your control by worrying about them.
4. When a trigger for your meanness occurs, do not react. Refer to point 1. Then love yourself for being overcoming your trigger. *sigh of relief and smile at yourself •:)
Ok - now that's really it for now - I can only hope my catharsis helped at least one person out there who also might be trying to be a nicer person <3
If you want to check out Penelope's blog or find links to The Pioneer Woman, go to http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/04/30/the-demo-reel-for-my-reality-tv-show-and-how-to-turn-a-failure-into-a-success/