So, finding a way to create a life that supports love ... But how can one properly argue with a boy friend or girl friend or husband, wife, sister, brother or child if you have to do it in an environment that supports love and doesn’t push it away?
I’ve found that some people just really don’t need to fight.
Strange concept, I know. A person who has no need for power struggles? Unreal.
What if - just what if that person actually just has different ways of winning? Maybe even redefining the idea of what it is to win.
I personally have redefined the definition of what it is to win several times over my short lifetime. Currently it revolves around having children that grow and learn and are in a fairly safe environment with managed risk. That’s a good place to use the word “manage”: preceding the word “risk”. Especially with regard to our loved ones like our children. Teaching managed risk is important - I have never believed in protecting the kids and putting them in a bubble - how can they grow and learn to challenge themselves or overcome obstacles?
Back to the win.
Once upon a time I opened a studio. My kids were pretty little at the time. I opened the studio to be able to have something that didn’t exist locally and also to have a place where I could work and have more time for my family. The studio took up so much time I found myself in higher and higher demand outside family life. Was I winning?
Once upon a time I got a degree as an accountant and found a great job as a governmental auditor. I made more money than my husband, but my boss was an ass and his twins loved to destructively run around the office and when they found me at my desk they would throw my files and say, “go fetch!” and run off. Was I winning?
Here’s the crazy part - I may not have been winning, but I wasn’t losing either. The experiences those days gave me are invaluable. All the experiences are. Collector of experiences? Winning there a tad for sure. Some folks are more extreme - but we do the best with what we have.
How does that relate to creating a lifestyle that is conducive to love and not pushing it away?
Well, I guess it depends on how you define loving.
I think I would be the first person to admit that I can be inpatient. With our limited daylight, I don’t like to waste time. I mean I do - but as I want it. I don’t think I’m alone here. However, the point being, what would I give up or be willing to give up or alter in order to accommodate love? I have been in my past really bad at not pursuing a passion... meaning an interest such as painting or reading or traveling. I have in the past not listened to people I have been “involved” with - or married to - in order to truck along on my merry way.
Here’s the killer - It isn’t so much me pursuing a passion that gets in the way, it’s the feeling of disrespect the other person feels when I blatantly do what I want. It’s not often - maybe once every five years, but it’s that significant to them.
Collector of experiences 1: Relationship 0.