Go Fund Me and Facebook

​A visit to the doctor for a check-up on my birthday this year led to a stage 3 cancer diagnosis. I've been trying to be as "in reality" and present as I can be. Chemotherapy and radiation were not on my top ten list. I've been so fatigued lately and notice how my disciplined self has been fighting my cravings self more than usual. I just didn't think I could do what I did last time to stave off the cancer problem with the potent and concentrated nutrients in fresh juice and warm, filling vegetable soup. So, now I'm faced with traditional treatment starting next week. At first, they said the nausea meds were better nowadays. I should be able to work. More recently, they are telling me I should take off work completely and put as much in the FMLA paperwork.

I think it's kind of embarrassing to start a GoFundMe, but here we go - Chemotherapy and radiation start next week, and I'm feeling pretty icky about it. I think it was George Lopez who had the joke about going to the doctor: "Before I went, I was fine. Now I have Cancer!" Also, I thought there would be a spot to put trade items, like a yoga workshop, drawings, and picture books I make/do. Maybe I can add it to my cause explanation. I'm thinking $200 can get you a yoga workshop for 10-15 people (virtual or IRL), $50 will get you an original picture book or story (digital) by me, and for $20, a unique drawing (not saying it's gonna be a Picasso, but ya never know!).​

Of course, as soon as I added that to my GFM profile story, they paused me and made me take it off. Then they asked me to add a disclaimer that says, Disclaimer: No raffles, sweepstakes, giveaways, or returns on investment are offered in exchange for any donations made to this GoFundMe.

And, so, that is all of what it says on my social media. Of which, I am just using Facebook for now. My daughter encourages me to try TikTok too - however you spell that - but after a while, it seems like I'd just be using social media to promote other social media. I considered using Blue Sky. In the past, I've always been an early adopter of things. There is a search engine that says they support dogs, too, which caught my eye. But being an early adopter has never really done me much good, really. I've been using Credo Mobile for decades, and I'm still really the only one who seems to know about it. Once, a Credo rep even told me that because of the way I use my phone, I actually cost them money. I've never done an analysis on it, so I don't know. And, of course, another rep told me to forgive the first rep. Whatever the case, they claim to support all the same causes I support, so I've stuck with them, and they've always provided a good service.

​All of these things are so distracting. Messages, calls, doctors, people buying my FB Marketplace items, and my personal to-do list are flying at my head with great speed. My head is like a speedbag at a boxing ring. One-two combo here. Jab, punch, jab there. I turn it all off and go to the kitchen and pig out on something. Anything. I look at my watch, and I'm between yoga classes. I could do one online. I decide to walk the dogs. No. Just one dog. I'm going to the forest. I feel terrible, but good at the same time, because I'm walking off what I just ate, and that's good for me. But my leg hurts, and I'm unusually tired. I keep going. My eyes are kind of blurry, heavy, watery. I keep going. Up and down the rocky slopes. I'm glad my quads are getting a little something. Big muscle groups. It's good to work those big muscle groups.

Roxy is getting a little tired. It's 85° out, my watch says. The shade feels okay, but the sun is bright, and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I hear a flapping sound and think of rattlesnakes, but it's just a grasshopper. I call Roxy away anyway. She likes to stay low in the shade and walk in the woods parallel to me off-trail. 

We head back up and out. On the way, I can't help but notice all of the colors and shades of an early spring sunlight passing through the leaves, giving them a radiant luminescence. It's like they were happy, dancing in the cool breeze under the canopy's shelter to the birdsong. I'm glad she didn't roll in anything stinky this day. Yesterday, we had to swing by the pet store dog-wash station on the way home because she found something particularly foul. Even with all the windows open, there was no escaping. 

While we're there, it strikes me how knowing she is. She sniffs all the things, the bones and ears and toys, but takes nothing. She must know they don't belong to her, and we're in a strange place where all of these tasty and good-smelling things are on display, but not to be licked or taken. 

At home, the bombardment begins again. I navigate it for a while, stress-eat again, take a brain break, find myself looking at the time in between yoga classes again, and sit back down at the computer. 

As evening descends, I realize Remy still hasn't gotten his walk. As the sun goes down, the temperature is more to his liking. In midsummer, we have to go out very early because he tends to lie down suddenly if it's too hot. He'll lie down in the middle of the road as we're crossing it. He doesn't care. 

A friend reaches out. 

"Dog party?" he asks. 

"You should come over here," I say, knowing my phone will keep going off with people trying to buy my FB Marketplace stuff.

He doesn't know that, plus I sent a typo: "I think you should bring ivermectin, a good whiskey, and I’ll order pizza," I text back.

He thinks I'm joking and lets me know he'll be back around 6, and he can get a pizza and has some beers already.

Somewhere in that time, I've eaten and just feel like drinking water. So, I load Rem and Rox in the car, and we go over. They love seeing Luna. Rox and Luna play chase at full speed around the shed, yard, and patio, and they tumble and roll when they catch each other. Rox will hold on to Luna's cheek sometimes as they run. Luna will do something similar, but it ends up just being a lot of slobber all over Roxy. Then Rox might take a tumble in the dirt. With all that slobber, it becomes weird, muddy patches around her withers, neck, and face.

My phone starts going off. 

"Ugh, someone wants something. They say they'll be over in like an hour."

"Oh, yeah? It's been busy?"

My phone goes off again. Another potential buyer. Finally, a third person buzzes, but this time they are in the area and want to come by in about half an hour. 

"Boy, I should've gone to your place," he says. "When you wrote to bring over ivermectin and whiskey, I thought, Now that's a party!" and he laughed. 

"I said what?" I asked.

"Ivermectin. It's that horse tranquilizer stuff that the MAGA people think will cure them of cancer or something," he says.

"WHAT?" I say. "Did I write that?!" 

I try searching my phone without my good glasses on.

"I got it right here," he says and shows me.

I laugh so hard I start crying. He's laughing and talking about what a great party that would be, and how we can cure diseases and everything all at once. I'm thinking my phone has a life of its own, and joke about AI taking over my texting functions. I have never even heard of ivermectin! Maybe my speech-to-text heard me wrong. Maybe people are talking about ivermectin so much it naturally thought that was what I was saying. Whisky and ivermectin! Because that is what people want! Of course it is.